Tasha
Your Introduction paragraph was very entertaining. The story you provided in the beginning of your essay was a great way to get your audience attention. It has a good voice and word usage. The only thing that I would say about your intro is that it's a bit short. You could add a little more to the story in the beginning to make it longer.
Your Body paragraphs, I thought they were very well written. They were structured well, had a great voice and word usage. I like that your essay flows so well, your transitions are spot on. It made reading your essay nice and easy to read. I like that you stated your opinion in areas that were needed, like clarifying an issue for the audience or answering a questions. Your essay had great personality, which made it enjoyable to read.
Your Conclusion was good. It tied up all the loose ends and provided closure to the audience, it was a great way to end an essay. You didn't provide a work cited, so I cannot tell whether or not your citations were done correctly. Don't forget to provide a Work Cited page for your final draft.
Katie
Your Introduction was well written. I liked your word usage and the way you used questions to set up your introduction.You provided a connection with your audience by giving your personal views of consciousness, which lead into your thesis statement. Your thesis was clear and well thought out and transitioned nicely into the first body paragraph.
Your Body paragraphs were well written. They were organized, straightforward, and displayed great voice. Your transitions to the different paragraphs were great, everything flowed smoothly. It made your essay engaging to the audience. Your citations were also used very well, they flowed nicely through the body paragraphs.
Your Conclusion was good. It wrapped up the essay very nicely. You provided closure to the audience and gave them some things to think about as well. Your Work Cited looks good everything looks like its formated correctly. I would look over them again just to make sure.
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